What if...this is my last kick at the can?

All my life, for as long as I can remember, I have believed in reincarnation. I have known that I had lived before. Been part of other families, other cultures, other genders. I have always believed I was an old soul. Living life over and over & learning new lessons. Shedding old skins but ever moving forward and evolving.
Raised with two parents, non-practicing of their families' catholic and protestant beliefs. Two parents who both believed in reincarnation, who spoke of past lives and spoke of my telling stories of past lives when I was a child.
All my life I have known that for me, for us, reincarnation was the way we would continue on once we shed this current body and life.

I have always believed, that what we understand happens once we die, in accordance to our chosen faith, is indeed what will happen to us when we die. If you believe in reincarnation, then you will reincarnate. If you believe in Heaven, then you will go to Heaven. If you believe in nothing, then when you die, it is truly the end for you.

I never realized until yesterday, that I seem to have held much comfort in this belief, as I am sure all people of faith or spirituality find comfort in their beliefs. It is a way of acceptance of part of our life path. A way to find peace in the "end" or "unknown" part of our life.


I am also a woman who believes that we receive messages from many different sources during our lifetimes. From friends and family, from professionals, from books, but also from nature, the universe, guides and those who've gone before. I know that for a lot of people, this is hocus pocus, and I definitely am not one to follow anyone blindly, but I also know when to recognize a genuine message when I hear one. Interpreting the message is usually the harder part. Much harder oftentimes.

Yesterday I was given a message by a friend. This friend receives messages infrequently, but has learned that when she receives them, that they are important and must be passed along to the intended.

The message to me was this; "Sarah … do you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders? …You "know" that you have lived other lives. You "know" you are a very powerful spirit. You "know" you are in the body. Yes, this world compared to past lives can be quite boring and without depth at times. But, this life here is your last, which means this time around you are worthy to enjoy the world rather than battle it as you've done in your past lives. Possibly it's time to let go … know that your work is done … you have done extremely well and it's time for the Goddess that you are … to allow yourself to enjoy your life."


"...this life here is your last..."

My last. My last life on this beautiful green earth. My last with my toes in the warm earth and the breeze in my hair. My last.
She went on to say, that this may just mean that it my last in human form, but that how I move on in my next lifetime may be still on this earth, but just in a different way.

She also went on to say, that often what happens to us after we receive the message is more important than the message itself. It is the shift in energy, the shift in thoughts, the shift in behaviour as a result of the message that can be the most powerful part.

Do you ever feel like someone has reached over, grabbed a really good hold on who you are and what you believe and gives it a REALLY good shake leaving you with a million pieces of a puzzle that don't quite fit together the way they used to? That is where I am today. 

So what now? What will happen to me when I die? For the first time since as long as I can remember....I don't know.

Some early morning, mid week ponderings.

So a friend made a post about belonging. How they often feel like they don't belong, feel excluded. It made me think, I often don't feel like I belong. In part due to my personality, the way I think, the way I feel, the way I see the world, because I am very socially awkward. At places like at Headwaters/Harvest Gatherings, I will try and join groups du...ring free time, but they end up dispersing shortly after I arrive. I try sitting in open sunshiny spots just enjoying the sunshine, but no one ever comes to sit with me. At work functions, I tend to keep to myself and don't mingle, etc. At family functions I tend to do the same. Sit with a few people I know I will be able to talk to, or keep myself busy with my kids.

My friend said in their post - "when do I exclude others? when do I keep people out? when do I make other feel that they don't belong?".... I've also been trying to figure out in the last few years what energy I'm putting out that is keeping me isolated when in group settings.

I think perhaps it is something I need to sit with. It is always interesting how we feel rejected, but we often create self fulfilling situations for ourselves. We want to belong, but we don't do the things, put out the energy that is welcoming to others? I don't know. I'm not sure how to resolve this or maybe it doesn't need to be resolved and this is just how it is for me in this lifetime?

For those of you who've been with me in these types of social situations, parties, gatherings, etc., I would love to hear your thoughts on how I come across to you. Maybe it will give me some insight?