I have been delinquent with my posts this year as it has been a very trying year for me emotionally.
In March I decided to take a sabaticle from my Grove as I was feeling the call of my totem to go solo for some time. My totem is the elephant and I am very strong in the male aspects of this great creature and therefor often feel the pull to be alone. It was a very hard decision for me to make and took me years to finally walk away for a time. I'm still not sure if this was a permanent decision for me or if it was something that I just needed to do for this year.
In early April I received a call from my mother that an aunt & uncle had been in a head on collision and were in bad shape. Thankfully they both survived.
Then my husband and I went to France as my husband had business there and I had never been to France (or Europe for that matter) and insisted I come along. While we were there my husbands boss collapsed and died of a massive brain anurysm. Being the only one of the group who spoke French, I had to do much of the dealings with the paramedics, police, etc. My husband stayed an extra week to make sure his boses body got back to Canada ok. Once home we had the funeral to attend. His boss was also owner of the company, so the company was sold and my husband temporarily lost his job.
He is currently working for the new owners but only on contract and may be out of work again as of November.
In July one of my uncles passed. He had been very ill for a very long time. At the viewing he looked like a very different man laying there, but I appreciated the opportunity to be able to see him and say goodbye one last time.
The decision also came to be that I have to re-home my dog, whom I've had since he was 8 weeks old. He is now 8 1/2 year old. This decision was one that has not come easily to me. I have two small children, my son born 3 years ago and my daughter born 1 year ago. My dog, a Border Collie Cross has been mostly good with the kids so far, but as they get older they get more hands on with him and occasionally have hurt him, resulting in warning nips from the dog which has left small welts or bruises. My fear is that if I miss something that the nip will become a devestating bite or worse. I have found a home for him where the woman has no children and will be able to give him tons of one on one love and attention which he so needs and deserves.
I have been grieving since I made this decision and he moves to his new home this Saturday.
Two days ago, I also found out that one of my cousins step father has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her biological father (my fathers brother) died when she was two.
Anyway...all this has made me extremely sad and contemplative. I've often wondered why all of these things have happened to me this year. So much death, either physical or mental/emotional separation. A lesson I must learn this year that is slowly piecing together for me. Winter is coming, a time of natural introspection....
